April is Nat'l Stress Awareness Month

It's National Stress Awareness Month.  Just knowing that makes me more acutely aware of how much LESS stress I have in my life than I previously did.  
Used to be that I looked for opportunities to add more stress to life; mistakenly believing that it wasn't hurtful....it was exciting!  Sure, I'll see 3 more patients this week, drive 100 miles a day round trip and of course I'll be ready to go out on the town on Friday night.  Can't let anyone down, now can I?
Those were the days when I routinely worked 60 hours a week.  I raised three wonderful kids but didn't spend near enough time with them because of all my "obligations".  I didn't learn to say "no" for many years, regrettably missing out on many special moments I'll never get back. 
Stress finally kicked my butt when I suddenly started having rashes all over my body and ran an occasional fever.  Sure, it was a stressful time in my life...I was getting remarried, trying to blend a family that didn't want blended, starting a new job, dealing with a challenging ex-husband.  What doctors initially diagnosed as "chronic poison ivy" turned out to be Lupus.

Lupus thrives on stress. There are times when things are very stressful that I can actually feel the toxins moving through my body, burning & aching, sucking up all my energy.  I continued to try to live my regular lifestyle, working & playing too hard.  There was one day in particular that I recall literally falling to the floor when trying to leave the house for work.  My body simply gave up.  Years went by with me struggling to find a way to accommodate Lupus and slowing down.   Ironically, one of my duties as an occupational therapist was to help people adjust to changes in their bodies & lifestyles, teach them to pace themselves and adapt.  I sucked at taking my own advice.  
Again, Lupus decided to kick my behind to get my attention.  I had a small stroke that affected my left side.  I refused to get help for it, giving myself therapy and hiding the symptoms.  I got most of my muscle strength & coordination back, but was left with residual memory problems.  This really affected my ability to do my job well and REALLY affected my self-esteem.  All of the sudden, I felt dumb.  I had a hard time making change at the drive-thru's.  I couldn't remember appointments, much less do the paperwork for my job.  Eventually, I applied for disability and finally got it after fighting for it for 3 years.
Now I live a fairly stress-free life.  In fact, I sometimes get stressed out at how to fill the hours of this stress-free life.

Having a Bad Lupus Fatigue Day

Sigh.  I am sooooooo tired.  I slept good but woke up exhausted and got progressively more tired throughout the day.  
One of the joys of my life is taking care of my 11 month old granddaughter.  She typically takes a good 1.5 hour nap in the morning and another one in the afternoon so I usually get more than my quota of rest during the day.  But lately, she's been taking cat naps of about 30 minutes each.  Maybe that wouldn't bother me on a regular day, but I have that odd Lupus feeling today.  It's a kind of burning sensation just under my skin and a "sick" tiredness.  I used to tell my family that I wasn't just tired, I was sick tired...and they knew that meant I was D-O-N-E.