Ch-ch-ch-changes

Wow. If it wasn't for the fact that life has been very busy and evolving, I'd have to admit to being terrible at this whole blogging thing.  
However, since the last time I posted an entry on this blog I have:

• completely and finally stopped all contact with my ex
• lost 20 pounds
• sporadically participated in a walking routine
• started going to counseling
• started reading newspapers & blogs on daily basis
• started reading books again
• initiated process to get guardianship of my youngest daughter who has cerebral palsy
• started an online Facebook support group of people who have Fibromyalgia &/or Lupus

Hmmm, seems like I was busier than this list indicates. Perhaps I have been lazy with the whole blogging thing.  

Here's a pic of me...20 pounds lighter & with a new hair color.

April is Nat'l Stress Awareness Month

It's National Stress Awareness Month.  Just knowing that makes me more acutely aware of how much LESS stress I have in my life than I previously did.  
Used to be that I looked for opportunities to add more stress to life; mistakenly believing that it wasn't hurtful....it was exciting!  Sure, I'll see 3 more patients this week, drive 100 miles a day round trip and of course I'll be ready to go out on the town on Friday night.  Can't let anyone down, now can I?
Those were the days when I routinely worked 60 hours a week.  I raised three wonderful kids but didn't spend near enough time with them because of all my "obligations".  I didn't learn to say "no" for many years, regrettably missing out on many special moments I'll never get back. 
Stress finally kicked my butt when I suddenly started having rashes all over my body and ran an occasional fever.  Sure, it was a stressful time in my life...I was getting remarried, trying to blend a family that didn't want blended, starting a new job, dealing with a challenging ex-husband.  What doctors initially diagnosed as "chronic poison ivy" turned out to be Lupus.

Lupus thrives on stress. There are times when things are very stressful that I can actually feel the toxins moving through my body, burning & aching, sucking up all my energy.  I continued to try to live my regular lifestyle, working & playing too hard.  There was one day in particular that I recall literally falling to the floor when trying to leave the house for work.  My body simply gave up.  Years went by with me struggling to find a way to accommodate Lupus and slowing down.   Ironically, one of my duties as an occupational therapist was to help people adjust to changes in their bodies & lifestyles, teach them to pace themselves and adapt.  I sucked at taking my own advice.  
Again, Lupus decided to kick my behind to get my attention.  I had a small stroke that affected my left side.  I refused to get help for it, giving myself therapy and hiding the symptoms.  I got most of my muscle strength & coordination back, but was left with residual memory problems.  This really affected my ability to do my job well and REALLY affected my self-esteem.  All of the sudden, I felt dumb.  I had a hard time making change at the drive-thru's.  I couldn't remember appointments, much less do the paperwork for my job.  Eventually, I applied for disability and finally got it after fighting for it for 3 years.
Now I live a fairly stress-free life.  In fact, I sometimes get stressed out at how to fill the hours of this stress-free life.

Loss of Various Types

                               A 25 year old woman saved her children before dying in a fiery car crash on the highway here in El Paso.  The wreck occurred at the exit my daughter takes every day as she drives home from work.  Wednesday evening the front left tire of her SUV blew out & rolled onto its side and slid across three lanes before stopping.
The mother's leg was pinned in the vehicle when it caught fire. She could not escape, but her maternal instincts kicked in as she handed her two children to a man, a Good Samaritan who stopped to help.  The 8 year old is in the hospital with 3rd degree burns and the 4 year old was treated for minor injuries.
She was studying nursing in hopes of giving her family a better life.  The mother was 2 months pregnant.


While watching my grandchildren laughing and playing, I started crying at the thought of this young mother.  How will the children get over this harrowing experience?  I think about the excitement and anticipation that this little family had about the baby that would join them in a few months.  I think about how quickly it was all taken away.  Did they have big plans for Easter egg hunts? A family cookout?   I am thankful for my healthy, happy family.   And I will say extra prayers for this family tonight and many nights to come.

Having a Bad Lupus Fatigue Day

Sigh.  I am sooooooo tired.  I slept good but woke up exhausted and got progressively more tired throughout the day.  
One of the joys of my life is taking care of my 11 month old granddaughter.  She typically takes a good 1.5 hour nap in the morning and another one in the afternoon so I usually get more than my quota of rest during the day.  But lately, she's been taking cat naps of about 30 minutes each.  Maybe that wouldn't bother me on a regular day, but I have that odd Lupus feeling today.  It's a kind of burning sensation just under my skin and a "sick" tiredness.  I used to tell my family that I wasn't just tired, I was sick tired...and they knew that meant I was D-O-N-E.

What a Wierd, Opinionated World

This has been a very interesting couple of days. People I grew up with, some of whom I've known well and some I barely knew, have been expressing themselves.....alot....regarding the Healthcare Reform bill.  Now I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing opinions.  In fact, I routinely express mine.  But what I've read on my Facebook page, what I've seen on television; those things have been discouraging to say the least.  

Not surprisingly, I've seen several of my friends state fear about change, certainty that the country is going to hell, and deep resentment about having to take care of other people who may or may not have "earned" the help.  One person even went so far as to state that people should have to pass a drug test in order to qualify for health insurance programs.  Another added that if the drug test couldn't be passed, then that person should not be able to vote.  Crazy.

But what shocked me was when I saw a discussion single out "fatties".  In the opinion of the people on this discussion, overweight people are that way because of choices they make.  And why should the general public be asked to pay for insurance for these "fatties"?  Let them pay for their own and maybe they won't spend $$ on food.  I long suspected that a lot of the fear and anger being voiced was founded in racism and prejudice against the poor.  Now I find out that size discrimination is also rampant in these same people.

I posted on that particular discussion that being overweight was seldom a choice that people make.  That most people who are overweight wish they could get their lives under control, maybe even wish they were thinner.  Some are overweight because of medical conditions and side effects of medications.  Some are overweight for psychosocial reasons.  

So the only thing I can think to do is to remind them of one thing: 

"Whatsoever you do for the least of my brothers, that you do unto me".....Jesus Christ.

The Time Between Giving Thanks & Giving Gifts

I've been thinking that there should be a catchy name for the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  You know, something more all encompassing than individual days such as Black Friday & Cyber Monday.  It ought to be a name that could help a person focus on the transformation from being thankful for all we currently have into the state of being generous and giving part of that away.  Instead of days devoted to shopping,  we could have big news stories about how people are giving of themselves, their talents and their time to people they love, people they tolerate and even strangers.

One way that I made my own small effort toward celebrating these four weeks was by giving a small donation to the www.GlobalGiving.org website.  I found this website through Oprah.com.  The particular charity I gave to was to develop sustainable production of locally produced eco-friendly sanitary pads, provide health education, latrines, washing facilities, and education to girls in Kabarole District, Uganda.
There are plenty of good causes that an individual can donate toward using this fairly new concept of "micro-financing".   I'm working on spreading the word about it so that in the future, more people will donate in each other's names instead of buying fruitcakes for friends or apple-shaped ornaments for teachers.

So, I'm open to suggestions:  What to call the 4 weeks between the holidays?

Doh, After Thanksgiving Doldrums

With the exception of one particularly wonderful year when I had my first baby , the first few days after Thanksgiving are always kind of apathetic.  I'm not depressed, no...I have way too much to be grateful for to be depressed.  I don't have the "blues".  There's no big letdown of wishing I had lots of money at the end of the month so I could fight the crowds at the malls.  Am I the only one who thinks it's a silly tradition to have a big sale the day after you've spent your last dime on yet more whipped cream? Why can't Black Friday come after the 3rd of the month?  Anyway, this attitude of mine is something more subtle, easily blamed onto laziness, too full of a tummy or general sloth.  It's the doldrums.

Having the doldrums is when a person is in a state of inactivity or stagnation.  It usually looks like a person is dull, listless and bored.  Hmmm.  That does sound depressing in a sense; but I stick to my premise that I'm not depressed....I merely Look like I might be.  Plus, doldrum-ishness is a very temporary state of being.  I'm sure that once I get all the tryptophan out of my system, catch up on at least one more heaven-sent nap, and start listening to my grandson sing Christmas songs, I'll snap right out of it.

I have the added bonus of being creative to drag me out of my corner of the sofa.  Colored pencils, markers and collage pieces are calling my name.  I think that instead of getting started on some Christmas-y project, I'll work on my pin-up girl project some more.  I am trying to draw in the fashion of the 1940's & 1950's pin-up girls....with the twist of having them be much thicker with more weight, curves and softness.  Sort of like a sexy me.   

Hey!  That's it.  I can feel my doldrums melting away like cheap milk chocolate.  No worries about presents and gift wrapping.  No thoughts about too much pumpkin pie with mounds of whipped cream.  Just sexy me and my creativity.  

I love the world inside my head!!!!