Used to be that I looked for opportunities to add more stress to life; mistakenly believing that it wasn't hurtful....it was exciting! Sure, I'll see 3 more patients this week, drive 100 miles a day round trip and of course I'll be ready to go out on the town on Friday night. Can't let anyone down, now can I?
Those were the days when I routinely worked 60 hours a week. I raised three wonderful kids but didn't spend near enough time with them because of all my "obligations". I didn't learn to say "no" for many years, regrettably missing out on many special moments I'll never get back.
Stress finally kicked my butt when I suddenly started having rashes all over my body and ran an occasional fever. Sure, it was a stressful time in my life...I was getting remarried, trying to blend a family that didn't want blended, starting a new job, dealing with a challenging ex-husband. What doctors initially diagnosed as "chronic poison ivy" turned out to be Lupus.
Lupus thrives on stress. There are times when things are very stressful that I can actually feel the toxins moving through my body, burning & aching, sucking up all my energy. I continued to try to live my regular lifestyle, working & playing too hard. There was one day in particular that I recall literally falling to the floor when trying to leave the house for work. My body simply gave up. Years went by with me struggling to find a way to accommodate Lupus and slowing down. Ironically, one of my duties as an occupational therapist was to help people adjust to changes in their bodies & lifestyles, teach them to pace themselves and adapt. I sucked at taking my own advice.
Again, Lupus decided to kick my behind to get my attention. I had a small stroke that affected my left side. I refused to get help for it, giving myself therapy and hiding the symptoms. I got most of my muscle strength & coordination back, but was left with residual memory problems. This really affected my ability to do my job well and REALLY affected my self-esteem. All of the sudden, I felt dumb. I had a hard time making change at the drive-thru's. I couldn't remember appointments, much less do the paperwork for my job. Eventually, I applied for disability and finally got it after fighting for it for 3 years.
Now I live a fairly stress-free life. In fact, I sometimes get stressed out at how to fill the hours of this stress-free life.